Taking care of momma

I have suffered from depression on and off my entire life.  That was part of the reason for the list of 100 things.  A way to actually feel like I’m working towards something, and a quantitative measure of my progression.

I’ve always been happiest if I have a project to work on.  Idleness and me don’t really get along.

But I’ve realized there’s more to it than just that.  In the last 3 years, I’ve had no time to myself.  No time to curl up and read a book, or to take a nap.  No time to do whatever I wanted to do without fear of interruption.

I didn’t realize until recently how much I was missing that, and how important it is to my ability to function.

So while we’re only 19 days in, this year I’m focusing on taking more time for me.  I went to the coffee shop last weekend.  I enjoyed my time so much (and that wasn’t even productive time since for some reason my computer refused to connect to the internet), this week I went again.  I sat and read my book for an hour until the hubby let me know the kids were up from their naps and we had places to be.

Amazingly rejuvenating.  It’s wasn’t much time, but it made a difference.  I was so grumpy before I went, and so much better when I left.

But that wasn’t all I did today to help allay the depression.

When I’m depressed, I hide.  I hide from people, I hide from contact, I hide from civilization.  I can’t necessarily hide from my kids, but really that’s not always a good thing.  When I hide, I hide indoors.  I bury myself from the light of day.

Interpretation: no sunlight.  No vitamin D.  No warmth and UV rays.

Today I went outside.  I played with the puppy.  It was gorgeous outside.  Warm enough that I was in a tank top with my pants rolled up.  It was fantastic.

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The kid came out too.  (And for the record, he puts his own hat on backwards.  Not sure where he got that, but it’s pretty cute.  Even the hubby’s hat isn’t usually backwards.)

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We had a great time.  But I think the puppy had the most fun.

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Who knows, I might even have gotten a little bit of color.  The sun felt amazing, either way.

The other project I did today was something I’ve been toying with for awhile.  As I stated in the very first post on this blog, I wanted to list a reason each day why I was contented with my life, as that’s something I’ve been struggling with.  Especially since the move.  However, I’ve been failing big time with that.  It’s not that I don’t have reasons, although I admit some days I would have to think harder than others.  I just don’t typically think about the fact that I’m supposed to be coming up with things each day, until several days have gone by and then I can’t remember.  (Mommy brain is HORRIBLE!  I keep hoping my short term memory will come back some day, but seeing as the daughter was awake until 11 pm and then up at 4 am, sleep deprivation is hindering that return.)

I’ve been toying with the idea of having a jar where we can write things down as we think of them or as they happen, and put them in the jar so we can then look through all the papers at the end of the year.  This way the hubby can participate too.  And maybe the kids if we like the idea and continue it to the point they’re able to read and write.  I don’t remember where I got the idea, maybe something I saw on Pinterest?  But it stuck with me.

However, I hadn’t actually done anything about the idea.

Today I wandered a shop with my mother and found this:

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It’s perfect.  It’s pretty, it matches my rather eclectic decor.  And it’s some sort of metal so while I don’t plan on putting it within reach of the baby, at least it’s not overly breakable!  Completely necessary in a house full of kids.  Ok, well, only two and a 100 lb dog, but that definitely feels like a houseful sometimes!

First items in the jar:

– Awesome date night with hubby last night (3 out of 52!)- Wii Mariokart (we used to have full-on battles but haven’t even turned it on since the son was born) and gelato!

– Amazing day of sun and coffee and me time today

– And I’m sure if the Seahawks pull off a win, the hubby will be adding that to the jar.  🙂

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