Taking care of momma

I have suffered from depression on and off my entire life.  That was part of the reason for the list of 100 things.  A way to actually feel like I’m working towards something, and a quantitative measure of my progression.

I’ve always been happiest if I have a project to work on.  Idleness and me don’t really get along.

But I’ve realized there’s more to it than just that.  In the last 3 years, I’ve had no time to myself.  No time to curl up and read a book, or to take a nap.  No time to do whatever I wanted to do without fear of interruption.

I didn’t realize until recently how much I was missing that, and how important it is to my ability to function.

So while we’re only 19 days in, this year I’m focusing on taking more time for me.  I went to the coffee shop last weekend.  I enjoyed my time so much (and that wasn’t even productive time since for some reason my computer refused to connect to the internet), this week I went again.  I sat and read my book for an hour until the hubby let me know the kids were up from their naps and we had places to be.

Amazingly rejuvenating.  It’s wasn’t much time, but it made a difference.  I was so grumpy before I went, and so much better when I left.

But that wasn’t all I did today to help allay the depression.

When I’m depressed, I hide.  I hide from people, I hide from contact, I hide from civilization.  I can’t necessarily hide from my kids, but really that’s not always a good thing.  When I hide, I hide indoors.  I bury myself from the light of day.

Interpretation: no sunlight.  No vitamin D.  No warmth and UV rays.

Today I went outside.  I played with the puppy.  It was gorgeous outside.  Warm enough that I was in a tank top with my pants rolled up.  It was fantastic.

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The kid came out too.  (And for the record, he puts his own hat on backwards.  Not sure where he got that, but it’s pretty cute.  Even the hubby’s hat isn’t usually backwards.)

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We had a great time.  But I think the puppy had the most fun.

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Who knows, I might even have gotten a little bit of color.  The sun felt amazing, either way.

The other project I did today was something I’ve been toying with for awhile.  As I stated in the very first post on this blog, I wanted to list a reason each day why I was contented with my life, as that’s something I’ve been struggling with.  Especially since the move.  However, I’ve been failing big time with that.  It’s not that I don’t have reasons, although I admit some days I would have to think harder than others.  I just don’t typically think about the fact that I’m supposed to be coming up with things each day, until several days have gone by and then I can’t remember.  (Mommy brain is HORRIBLE!  I keep hoping my short term memory will come back some day, but seeing as the daughter was awake until 11 pm and then up at 4 am, sleep deprivation is hindering that return.)

I’ve been toying with the idea of having a jar where we can write things down as we think of them or as they happen, and put them in the jar so we can then look through all the papers at the end of the year.  This way the hubby can participate too.  And maybe the kids if we like the idea and continue it to the point they’re able to read and write.  I don’t remember where I got the idea, maybe something I saw on Pinterest?  But it stuck with me.

However, I hadn’t actually done anything about the idea.

Today I wandered a shop with my mother and found this:

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It’s perfect.  It’s pretty, it matches my rather eclectic decor.  And it’s some sort of metal so while I don’t plan on putting it within reach of the baby, at least it’s not overly breakable!  Completely necessary in a house full of kids.  Ok, well, only two and a 100 lb dog, but that definitely feels like a houseful sometimes!

First items in the jar:

– Awesome date night with hubby last night (3 out of 52!)- Wii Mariokart (we used to have full-on battles but haven’t even turned it on since the son was born) and gelato!

– Amazing day of sun and coffee and me time today

– And I’m sure if the Seahawks pull off a win, the hubby will be adding that to the jar.  🙂

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Crossing off the first item

Today we took the kids to ride the train.

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I made the mistake of telling the son where we were going several hours before the event.  Because hey, I was excited!  But I forgot that he doesn’t get the concept of time yet.  Oops.  We went to Walmart right after I bought the tickets, and he thought we were going to the train right then.  He looked so sad in the entrance to the store when he said “Choo-choo?”  Poor kid wasn’t happy when I said he would have to wait until after nap time.

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He was sooooooo excited when he saw the big choo-choos.  He got to climb all over this car while we were waiting to board.  Unfortunately, the wait was apparently a little longer than usual because the train had to take off suddenly as it was being filmed for a commercial for the Russian olympics.  (The commercial is being aired in Korea- never did find out why it was being filmed in Utah unless it had something to do with the 2002 olympics…)  When it took off, the son started sobbing because he thought it was leaving and we weren’t going to be able to go for a ride!

Of course, in the gift shop, the toy trains were almost more exciting than the real thing.  So that helped.

Finally we got to board.

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Even the daughter was fascinated!  At least until she fell asleep.

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It was a great way to spend a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, and a good start to getting things crossed off my list!

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100 things in 2014- part 2

51. Get a pedicure- I love having my toenails painted, but I’ve only had them done for me for my wedding.

52. Ride a horse- Used to take riding lessons.  Would love to get back on.

53. Make money at writing- Long shot but something I’ve always dreamed about.

54. Read for 2 uninterrupted hours- Haven’t been able to do this since I had my son almost 3 years ago.

55. Get coffee with a friend- I have a tendency to be very anti-social.

56. Buy mom lunch.

57. Buy cute boots- I don’t buy myself stuff, ever.  And I’ve been eyeing a certain pair of boots for a loooong time, so at some point I’ll give in and actually buy them.

58. Go to southern Utah- I’ve always wanted to take the hubby to Moab area.  Now that we’re so close, don’t have any excuse not to.

59. Play softball- There’s several leagues around, I used to play.

60. Go to lunch by myself- Wonderful alone time!

61. Take son to a dairy- I miss working on cows.

62. Do a cheese tasting event- There’s a local dairy nearby that does these every once in awhile.

63. Go to a Sundance movie- Can’t live near Park City and not attend at least a part of Sundance!

64. Do a pull up- I have never ever done a pull-up by myself.  It’s been a life-long goal!

65. Have a girls night out- This requires me either making friends here to invite to a girls night, or going back to Montana long enough to host one.

66. Sit in a hot tub- I love hot tubs.  But I’ve been pregnant or with an infant in my arms way too much the last 3 years.

67. Make a new friend- Necessary if I’m ever going to decide I like living here.

68. Reach out to an old friend- As I don’t make friends easily, I try to hold onto the ones I’ve had.

69. Go on a road trip.

70. Go someplace new- Lots of ways to fulfill this one.

71. Hand write a letter- Don’t you just love to receive letters in the mail, rather than a text or email?

72. Have chickens- We had chickens in Montana, I loved having fresh eggs every day.  This one would require us to move, however, not sure what the plan is there at this point.

73. Have a garden- See 72.

74. Have amazing sex- Again, two kids in 3 years.  Certain parts of life get ignored when you’re that sleep deprived.

75. Take kids to the zoo- Son is finally old enough that he would appreciate the animals.

76. Play clarinet with a group- I used to play and this is one of the hobbies I would like to pick back up now that I may have time to consider it.

77. Have a son/mommy day- I have no idea what we’ll do for this one but we’ll figure something out.

78. Have a mommy/daughter day- Ditto above.

79. Have a sleepover with the kids- I’m thinking with tents and forts in the living room.

80. Build blanket forts.

81. Learn to paddle board- There’s a lake very close by…

82. Have a dinner party- Did this a lot in Montana.  Don’t have people to invite here quite yet, but we’ll get there.

83. Find a good pizza crust recipe- I can’t eat wheat.  And I really miss pizza.

84. Bake a wheat-free cake- See 83.  Haven’t found a decent recipe for this one either.

85. Go to caves- Hubby really wants to see some of the caves in the area.

86. Do an adult puzzle- I’ve been doing tons of 24 and 48 piece puzzles lately.

87. Get professional pictures taken- Did some for a maternity and newborn shoot, and loved them!

88. Go to pumpkin patch- Son is getting old enough to appreciate picking out a pumpkin, and we moved 2 days before Halloween this last year.

89. Put up a Christmas tree- I didn’t decorate for Christmas at all this year.  Sad.

90. Perfect monthly meal planning- No easy access to good grocery stores (remember, food snobs) so this would make life easier.

91. Find friend for son- One potential lined up.

92. Find friend for daughter- She had a friend already lined up in Montana as my friend had a daughter two months before I had her.

93. Go on a solo mama retreat- Read this on a blog, she went to a hotel on the beach by herself for several days.  I wouldn’t want to do several days without my kids, but something short would be awesome!

94. Drive around looking at Christmas lights.

95. Do 50 pushups- I’m actually not too far away from this one, surprisingly.

96. Buy dad lunch.

97.  Go bowling.

98. Have a phone conversation with mother-in-law- Hubby is an only child so I’ve always felt like I should make more effort to communicate with his mother, and feel bad that I’ve always been so busy.

99. Go to farmers market.

100. Go to local Christmas events- The town goes all out for Christmas, and we didn’t make it to anything this year.

So there ya have it.  100 things I aim to do in the next year.  Wish me luck!

100 things in 2014- part 1

1.  Take a personal day- one of my biggest concerns with my life lately has been my lack of time to do things for me.  Furthermore, I never take time off.  Ever.  So I’m going to take a day at some point, just for me.  The hubby will be at work, the kids will be at daycare.  May even get rid of the dog.  A whole day, just for me.

2.  Weight in the 140’s- Two kids wreak havoc on your body.  Let’s just say this is a pretty ambitious goal, especially since I haven’t been there since high school.

3.  Take kids snowshoeing- Thanks Mom for the snowshoes!  I grew up doing this, the hubby has never gone.

4.  Write 50,000 words-  Not just in the blog, but an actual story.  I failed NaNoWriMo this year, didn’t even come close.  But I still have a story to write.

5.  Overnight date with the hubby- Night away from the kids.  ‘Nuff said.

6.  Finish photo books- Way way behind since having two kids.  Need to catch up.

7.  Read 12 fiction books.

8.  Read 12 non-fiction books.

9.  Plant tomatoes- My son eats them by the handful.

10.  Take son on train ride- Trains are his favorite things right now, and there’s one that goes around the valley.

11.  Stay within food budget for one month- We’re total food snobs.  Organic, real food.  And we blow the damn food budget every single month.

12.  Go camping- Daughter has never been, son has only been once.  It’s been way too long.

13.  Go to Denver- Girls get together this summer.  Can’t wait!

14.  Visit best friend in Missoula

15.  Brainstorm business ideas- in writing!  Actually got a head start on this one, it’s gonna happen!

16.  Get a puppy for son- This one is totally up in the air, depends on where we live and how much energy I have come this next summer.

17.  Pay off $15,000 in debt- Dumb student loans.

18. Get 9 straight hours of sleep- Two kids in 3 years?  Yeah, it’s been a looooooong time.

19.  Catch up on pile of magazines- Mostly work journals that have been piling in the craziness of our lives the last year.  Not talking reading them cover to cover, but at least making sure I skim for any valuable information.

20.  Be happy- Ok, this is really general, but it’s been really tough lately.

21.  Take vet nutrition class- Business goal for my other blog.

22.  Take Chinese herbs class- Expand my hippie knowledge.

23.  Take vet business class- Saw one online ages ago, never had time to look further.

24.  Stay primal for one month- Clean up my diet!

25.  Read 5 books on dog diets- Again, for the other blog.

26.  Write 12 letters to each kid- One per month, to be delivered at some unknown future date.

27.  Get a massage- Hubby bought me a gift certificate for our 6th anniversary, never got to use them before the woman quit and we moved!  Was so excited, yet still have never had a real massage.

28.  Take son sledding.

29.  Go skiing- We have season passes this year but it’s been a really long time since either of us went.

30.  Visit Missoula- I miss it.

31.  Go hiking.

32.  Ride our bikes to get ice cream- We bought a trailer for the kids last year before we uprooted and moved.

33.  Go to a hot springs- Lived right by several but was always pregnant or had newborns and therefore no time.

34.  Write wills- Absolute necessity that we’ve put off way too long, especially now that we have 2 kids.

35.  Use our fire pit- A purchase made right before we decided to move last summer.

36.  52 date nights with hubby- One night a week, even if it’s just watching a movie after the kids are in bed.

37.  Get emergency fund to $10k- Wiped out with the move, makes me nervous!

38.  Organize retirement funds- Lots of random accounts from various jobs, need updating.

39.  Go to a movie with the hubby.

40.  Go to Tacoma- Visit the in-laws.

41.  Take the family on vacation- Very general, could be a real one or overnight, undecided yet.

42.  Have a picnic.

43.  Take kids to splash pad- Son loved these in Missoula!

44.  Go kayaking- We haven’t used our kayaks in four or five years.

45.   Have dad down for dinner- Before he moves further away from us.

46.  Visit Bozeman.

47.  Donate money to charity- Won’t be a lot, and need to research which one, but would like to do something.

48.  Go to a concert- Actually have tickets for two already this year- impressive since we’ve been to one in the last 9 years!

49.  Go to dinner without kids.

50.  Get something published- I have a huge fear of having my words read by others.  Need to get over this!